How to Know if You're in Love with Someone

Love is a wonderful and amazing thing. Being in love with someone is even more extraordinary. For those who have never felt that way before, the feeling can sometimes be confusing. You can deny it if you are afraid, or hope so hard for it that you fool yourself. Lust and obsession have both been mistaken for love by some. Others get lucky and figure it out the first time. If you think you might be in love, or even fear that you are, here are some clues that this is the case:

Do you Know Them?
Though love at first sight is a common theme in fairy tales, lasting love comes from knowing someone's faults and talents, and understanding all of them. You can be highly attracted to and infatuated with someone when you first meet them, but this is only the first step. There is much deeper love to be had when you know and understand a person. If you know a person well, not just for a long time but personally and intimately, that is one of the first steps in finding real love.

Is the Love about Concern for Them or For You?
For some, the idea that someone is a trophy and makes you look good can be confused with love. If your love for another is all about how they puff you up, then it is probably not love, it is closer to ego. Loving a person like this will be temporary, and may disappear when the attraction to them fades, someone better comes along, or they get fed up and defy you. If, however, your concern for them equals or surpasses your concern for yourself, then that is a sign that you may be in love. If you get in a fight with someone and your anger toward them is less than your concern for hurting them, this is a sign you might be in love. The more you consider someone else's hopes, dreams, thoughts and feelings in conjunction with your own, the more likely you are in love.

Is it Joyous?
Love should not be painful. Unrequited love is usually closer to infatuation, and may feel as deep and real as mutual love, but it is a completely different beast. Mutual love will still have problems, as any match between two imperfect beings will face. However, there should still be way more good days than bad. This should be someone you can laugh with and whisper secrets to, play games with and tricks on, and who is the first person you want to see in the morning and the last one at night. If they feel the same, and are showing it, then you are probably not only in love, someone is in love with you.

Cite this page: N., Pam M.S., "How to Know if You're in Love with Someone," in PsychologyDictionary.org, February 9, 2016, https://psychologydictionary.org/article/how-to-know-if-youre-in-love-with-someone/ (accessed August 19, 2019).
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