How to Stop Yelling at your Children

Parenting can be very stressful, as can life. In many cases, as stress builds, it may become tempting to yell at your children, especially if that was what was done to you. But yelling is not the only way to parent, and if it is something you want to learn how to curb, it is definitely possible. Here are some tips on how to learn some better ways to parent your children without the yelling:

Count to Ten
The next time your patience is tried, take a deep breath and count to ten. If you still are not calm, then count to twenty. The point is to wait until your anger subsides, and love and logic once again prevail. Or at least until your temper flare lowers, and you can be angry but calm.

Speak More Quietly
If you're trying to get your children's attention, try quiet speech instead of yelling. Often, this will draw people in and help to gain their attention, similar to the way a whisper makes you perk up and draw closer. If there is chaos, a well-timed quiet voice can often be enough to drop the volume in the room and get full command of their attention.

Create a Discipline System
One of the best ways to keep from yelling is to create a less chaotic environment at home. If you are yelling due to misbehavior, then make it clearer what good behavior is expected, and the consequences of not following through. Then, the next time they don't listen, you don't need to yell, just follow through with the consequences. If you are consistent enough, you will quickly find that your need to yell will mostly go away. If you are unsure how to do this, there are a number of parenting books and philosophies that can give you good examples. One of the most famous, love and logic, has a number of free online resources to help you learn how to parent more calmly.

Empathize
Why did your kid just do what they did? Instead of looking only at the action, a deeper understanding of why your child is acting the way that they are can often help you to treat them with calm words instead of anger. Taking time to ask them how they are feeling, and sympathizing with how bad they must feel, how embarrassed, when they fail a test or wreck the car, will go a long way toward you keeping your temper and them opening up to you. Best of all, this is a great way to both strengthen your relationship with your kids as well as giving them some better guidelines on how to deal with people in their own lives without using anger.

Cite this page: N., Pam M.S., "How to Stop Yelling at your Children," in PsychologyDictionary.org, February 9, 2016, https://psychologydictionary.org/article/how-to-stop-yelling-at-your-children/ (accessed November 15, 2019).
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