How to Ask Your Husband If He has Cheated

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A friend may have seen your husband with another woman. He habitually claims he must work late into the evening although when you call the office, he does not answer the phone. Credit card statements displays strange charges. Your mind begins to race, and you suspect that your husband is having an affair. You want to know the details, but how do you proceed?

Proof and Plan

Therapy specialists agree that a wife should not confront a possible cheating spouse without first having concrete evidence. Having no physical proof makes confrontation dangerous and could destroy an otherwise healthy marriage. Gather evidence over a period of time. Document names, dates, places and times of suspected infidelity. Keep track of absences, suspicious phone calls, unknown phone numbers, credit card bills and other documentation. When a wife feels that she has obtained substantial incriminating evidence, she must carefully plan the confrontation. The initial encounter should last no more than two hours in an effort to keep both parties calm. Choose a time when there is less likely to be interruptions. Perhaps during a quiet evening once the children are asleep.

Confrontation Purpose

Naturally, the whole point of confronting the suspected cheater involves wanting to know why he felt the need to have the affair. How the relationship started, the time frame of the infidelity and his feelings and intentions toward the other woman.


Before the confrontation takes place, wives must prepare themselves. Statistics indicate that in the majority of instances, cheating husbands deny the affair despite wives having factual evidence. However, the confrontation provides an advantage as he will most likely be caught unaware of the wife's knowledge. His story will be sketchy, and he may avoid the truth because he is not ready to end the other relationship.


Therapists share that there are four common reasons why a husband engages in extra-marital activities. They may have a sex addiction. They may have fallen into an unplanned situation secondary to being under the influence of drug or alcohol use. Some husbands seek revenge if a wife has formerly been guilty of having an affair. He might also be seeking the attention, love and support that he felt he was not receiving at home.

Stay Calm

Though this may be the most difficult situation in a wife's life, she must remain cool and collected. A husband may attempt to place the blame on his wife. He may try to change the subject by being angry about her snooping or spying. He may accuse her of being insecure, childish or having a vivid imagination. Regardless of his trying to deny the situation, she must pursue the matter until she gets the answers that she wants. If he responds by asking a question, let him answer it. If he continues denying the circumstances, the wife may use a psychological approach by pretending to shoulder some of the blame. This admittance may make it easier for him to tell the truth.

Cite this page: N., Sam M.S., "How to Ask Your Husband If He has Cheated," in, January 25, 2016, (accessed August 11, 2022).