How to Be a Good Wife to a Moody and Difficult Husband

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It can be very stressful to be married to a moody and difficult husband. One of the most difficult parts is that many of your friends might not understand why you are staying with him, and might try harder to convince you to divorce him than they do supporting you as things stand. Living in fear of the moods of others can put stress in every aspect of your life. Yet your husband is someone you love and that you have sworn to be with for better or worse. Here are some things to consider when it comes to being a good wife to someone like this:

Do You Know Why He's Moody?
Moody and difficult people can act that way for a number of reasons. It can be medical, due to an untreated mental illness or even a brain tumor. It can be addiction related, and only arrive when he imbibes controlled substances. It can be due to residual stress from the difficulties of life, money, and/or personal relationships. It can be behavioral, based on learning how to cope from a moody and difficult family, or an overly permissive family who has always let him get away with it. Or it may be a combination of all these factors. Take time to try and understand the root of the behavior, because different reasons can call for different kinds of responses on your behalf.

Do You Know Your Boundaries?
No matter who he is and what he means to you, there is a fine and important line between tolerating grumpiness and tolerating abuse. The line is really about what makes you feel like someone is difficult vs someone undermining how you feel about yourself. It takes a lot of introspection, often, to fully understand where the line is for you. This is worth taking the time to do, because if you don't know where your line is, there is no way that he can know, either. Though this may seem strange to hear, letting him know where that line lies is important, to keep him from becoming abusive.

What do you Want to Accomplish by Being a Good Wife?
This is an important distinction to understand. Do you want to be a good wife in the hope that he will change? Do you want to get through your life trying not to make him mad? There is a chance that you may not be able to make both of you happy, and often, neglecting your needs for his will make you both miserable. So, if you want to change his behavior, then you need to learn your boundary, communicate it, and take a break if he crosses it. Try and get him help if he has a treatable condition, or make it a condition of staying. Get therapy so he can see a neutral party's point of view. Being a good wife can often mean making things worse so that they can get better.

Cite this page: N., Sam M.S., "How to Be a Good Wife to a Moody and Difficult Husband," in, January 26, 2016, (accessed October 4, 2022).